Through a multimedia exploration of what it means to reclaim one’s own body and heal on a physical and subconscious emotional level, a narrative comes into focus that touches on both profound grief and hopefulness, overwhelming fear and courage, woundedness and deep self-compassion.
The title Hostess suggests the state of one’s body being a host to pathogens as well as the corrosion of boundaries and disempowerment that results from interpersonal abuse. Complex chronic illness and abuse can both result in dissociation and disowning parts of oneself, relinquishing sovereignty over one’s own body and mind. For those who are not validated and supported in the aftermath of abuse and assault, the trauma can often manifest through physical pain that persists long after the event. There is much overlap between survivors of abuse and sufferers of chronic illness.
I created this series during a years-long period of severe chronic illness for which I was repeatedly misdiagnosed and left untreated. I used intuitive self-expression as a healing modality alongside interventions to address physiological illness and complex trauma. Through a cathartic process of giving physical form to the pathogens and pain symptoms that disabled me while I was told they were not real, I reclaim the truth of my experience.